#001

Sarcasm is my super power, what’s yours?

#002

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

#003

Holy Crap!

#004

I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by those who annoy me.

#005

If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.  If you’re not, slug someone in the face.

#006

Well aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine.

#007

Just sayin’

#008

Whatever

#009

Always remember that it can’t rain poop forever.

#012

Suck it up princess.

#013

Bang Head Here

#016

Get out!

#017

Whovever said “Let it snow” should just shut up.

#019

Find the beauty in winter!

#020

Remember the game we played when we were kids, finding the shape in the clouds?

Does that look like a fish to you?

#026

The road to the playground looks way more fun!

#028

This is our new vacation home.  Hope you can come visit soon!

#029

I see

#030

This is your Christmas parade on drugs.

#032

Let’s get together for lunch soon.

#033

Smile!  Make people wonder what you’re up to.

#038

When did our music become oldies?

#039

What if there is no PMS and it’s just our personalities?

#040

Just put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

#042

I heard you just got rid of a bunch of dead weight.

Congratulations on your divorce!

#043

When your boss is getting on your every last nerve, picture yourself here, agree with whatever they say and do things your own way.

#048

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

#049

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, some just abuse the privilege.

#051

Today’s helpful hint... Don’t drive behind old men in hats.

#052

Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone sees it but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

#053

I never said you had a good attitude, I just said you had an attitude.

#054

Laughter is good exercise.  It’s like jogging on the inside.

#055

You talkin to me?

#057

I’m not bossy... I just have better ideas.

#058

So I told him to put it in the hole.

#061

I might be a loser, but you know you love me.

#063

They say the older you get, the more patient you get.

That’s not true.

In reality, the older you get, you just don’t give a shit.

#064

I hope you get well soon.

What?  You’re not sick?

Then why haven’t you been in touch?

#065

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.  ~ Paul Newman

#067

Looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day... until someone pisses me off.

#068

Friends don’t let friends build snowmen drunk.

#069

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Pour into a chilled glass, add ice and vodka.

Drink enough of those and won’t care about the lemons life handed you.

#071

Never go to sleep mad.  Plot your revenge first, you’ll sleep much better!

#072

I could lend a hand but I prefer to give the finger.

#073

Pull your head out of your ass!

#074

Did you ever just feel like a duck out of water?

#075

Constipated people don't give a crap.

#076

Ass!